so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
