Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
