god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
