Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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