My first STD was from a foam party
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
