My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
