Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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