I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
