My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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