I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
