I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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