You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
