No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
