The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
