D3 body, D1 cock
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
