Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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