im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your cock deserves a montage
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
