i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
