forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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