it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
