Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
