In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
