tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
