I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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