Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
