She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
