I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
