the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
