new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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