just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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