WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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