At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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