Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
