We won't sleep together?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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