Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
