guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
