My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
