That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just want nice things and good sex
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
