I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
