Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my shit smells like andre
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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