y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
