Whod you bang
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
