I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
