Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
