i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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