She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
