so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
