it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
