We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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