You can't special order awesome
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
