apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Panties = found
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