I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had to cum in my sink.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
