My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
