Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
