I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
