if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
