can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
