The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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