awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
