As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
