I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
