Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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