If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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