Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
