I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize