You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
then he tried to convert me to islam
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
