Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
