at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
