i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize