I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
