How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
A bitchslap is in order.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
