8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
